


In the Not Thinking

by casual_distance



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Big Brother Gabriel, M/M, Reunions, Writer Castiel, brief Donnie, brief Jessica Moore, brief Meg Masters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 13:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5542439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casual_distance/pseuds/casual_distance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It happened like this:  Dean Winchester sat in his apartment sulking until his brother Sam forced him out.  Across town, the writer Castiel Novak worked relentlessly until his brother Gabriel blackmailed him out.  So it was that the small bar of Donnie’s witnessed a loud (and somewhat angry but ultimately happy) reunion of the two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Not Thinking

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Destiel Smut Brigade Dialogue prompt: [“You can’t just sit there all day.”](http://destielsmutbrigade.tumblr.com/post/122498560379/june-26th-daily-destiel-drabble)
> 
> “how is it that / he's always / in my thoughts. // even when / i am not / thinking.” - Sanober Khan

“Oh my god, Dean, seriously?”

“What? I’m on vacation.” Dean drank from his beer, pulling the blanket higher up his body as he wiggled further down into the couch. He was in hour four of his Dr. Sexy marathon and he had no regrets. Except maybe the frozen burritos that had been just a little too old. Dean rubbed at his stomach as it growled angrily.

Sam sighed and slammed Dean’s front door shut. “Just because you’re ‘on vacation’ doesn’t mean you should be this much of a slob, Dean,” Sam retorted. Dean rolled his eyes and made a show of hunching down into his nest and ignoring Sam.

With a snort, Sam disappeared into his kitchen and reappeared with a trash bag. He started shoving pizza boxes and Chinese take-out cartons into it, making angry moose noises when he’d come across something that had started to grow fungus.

“Jesus, Dean.”

“It’s an ecological experiment,” Dean rebutted as he turned the volume up on the TV.

Sam sighed but said nothing more until he had the room cleared of trash and dishes stacked in the sink to soak in soapy water. He dropped down on the couch next to Dean and watched as Dr. Sexy and Nurse Emily made out in an on-call room.

“Dean-“ he started before Dean shushed him.

“It’s the best part.” Dean glared until Sam held up his hands in defeat. On screen, the nurse broke away from Dr. Sexy with a sob.

_“I can’t do this!” she cried. “I- I- I love you, Dr. Sexy! I need this to be more than just a one night stand!”_

Sam groaned and snatched the remote from Dean to pause the DVD.

“Dean, I know it sucks-“

“Sam-“

“No, Dean.” Now it was Sam’s turn to glare until Dean subsided, pouting at the TV where Dr. Sexy was gripping the arms of the nurse as she collapsed against his chest. “Dean, it sucks getting fired.”

“I wasn’t fired. I was downsized,” Dean argued petulantly.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Whatever. The point is, you can’t just sit here all day and wallow. You need to get out of the house. Go out. Have some fun.”

Dean grunted and tugged the blanket up to his neck, exposing his socked feet.

Sam sighed. “Look. Some of Jess’s co-workers are having a get-together at Donnie’s tonight. Why don’t you come with us? You can hang out, get some shitty bar food, maybe hit a few rounds of pool. Hell, you could even take someone home and ditch them the next morning for a change of pace.”

Dean snorted a laugh. “I never thought you’d be encouraging my loving and leaving someone, Sam.”

“I’m just saying that you don’t need to meet the love of your life and go home with them tonight. Just… get out of the house.” Sam stood and tossed the remote onto Dean’s blanket. “I’ll be by at eight to get you. Be ready.”

 

* * *

 

“Holy crap, Cassie. I don’t know if I should be proud of you or terrified for you.” Gabriel stood in the center of Castiel’s apartment and looked around, whistling in appreciation. “This is some high-class, shut-in mess you’ve got going on.”

“Gabriel, this is a very important project with a very tight deadline. If I get this completed on time, I’ll-“

“Oh, nonono. I don’t care, Cassie. You’re already as good as a recluse; I’m not going to take no for an answer today.”

Castiel spun around to glare at Gabriel. “You can’t make me.”

“Oh, you don’t think so, huh?” Gabriel smirked.

Castiel clutched at the arms of his desk chair and narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

Gabriel reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He made a show of unlocking the screen and flicking through his apps. He held the phone out in front of him and grinned at Castiel. He tapped at the screen and a husky male voice began to read out:

_“I sucked in a sharp breath as his hands slid up my thighs and twisted into the belt loops of my jeans. His fingers skirted my erection, and I knew-“_

Castiel shot out from his chair and snatched at Gabriel’s phone. Gabriel cackled and jumped up onto the couch, holding the phone above his head when Castiel lunged at him again.

“Where did you get that?” Castiel asked while the voice droned on.

_“He slid my zipper down slowly, teasing, always teasing.”_

Gabriel clucked his tongue at him. “Oh, Cassie, the things you can find out with some well worded Google searches.”

Castiel gave up and sat down on the couch. He covered his face with his hands. “Please shut that off.”

Gabriel laughed and tapped at the screen. The voice cut out.

“Man, little brother, do you know how hard it was to keep this under wraps? I mean, really, what would Mom say if she knew her baby boy was writing erotica?”

Castiel groaned and flopped over sideways on the couch.

“It’s not even one book, but a _whole series_. I’ve never been prouder of you! I can’t wait to tell our whole family-“

“Fine! Fine, Gabriel. I will go out with you tonight.”

Gabriel crowed in delight.

“Now will you leave me alone?”

“Nope!” Gabriel tapped his phone screen again.

_“He breathed hotly against my thigh. The exhale of warm air against the chill of the room sent shivers down my spine. Goosebumps spread across my skin. He laughed deep in his throat, the sound low and resonant.”_

“You know, it’s not half bad either,” Gabriel said thoughtfully.

Castiel buried his face in the couch cushions and wondered if he could suffocate himself.

 

* * *

 

Jess and her coworkers were well past tipsy and headed into drunk when Sam arrived with Dean in tow, nearly two hours later than planned. Jess squealed and hugged Sam, kissing him sloppily before she hugged Dean and dragged him over to the group of women and introduced him.

“Ladies, this is my brother-in-law Dean.”

“He’s so cute,” a small brunette giggled, reaching out to pinch his cheek.

“Hey, now,” Dean groused, fending her off. “No touching the goods.”

“I think ‘the goods’ is supposed to refer to your junk, Dean,” Meg said with a sneer.

“You’re junk,” Dean retorted, wiggling out from under Jess’s arm.

“Oh, so clever,” Meg snorted as she tossed back a shot and flagged down the bartender. Donnie poured the next round of shots for the group and grinned at Dean.

“The usual, Dean?”

“Yeah.” Dean dropped down onto a bar stool and did his best to ignore the wild group of nurses beside him. 

“Water for me,” Sam told Donnie as he sat down on the stool, thankfully between Dean and Jess’s handsy friends. “I’m the DD tonight.”

Donnie laughed. “Sure thing, fellas.”

Dean sighed into his beer and jumped when Sam’s hand landed on his shoulder.

“Dean, come on. Try to be sociable.”

Dean shrugged Sam’s hand away. “Yeah. Okay.” He spun around on the stool but settled for watching as the girls challenged each other in a complicated drinking game Dean wasn’t near drunk enough to appreciate. On his other side, a couple of men came up to the counter, one of them nearly pushing Dean off his stool.

“Hey, man,” Dean growled, turning around to glare and faltering when he saw who stood there. “Cas?”

Cas abandoned his fight with the other man to jerk around and gape right back at Dean. “Dean?”

“Yeah, man. How are you?” Dean stood up and started to reach for a hug before catching himself and pulling back. It’d been years since he’d seen Cas; he wasn’t sure such open affection would be as welcome as it once had.

“What are you- do you live here now?” Cas asked, sinking down onto the stool next to Dean, eyes still wide with shock.

“Yeah. I moved here for a job a few years back. You?”

Cas nodded. He opened his mouth to answer but stopped when Donnie interrupted, sliding the tray of nachos across the counter to Dean. Dean flipped a salute in thanks.

Dean pushed the tray toward Cas out of habit, and Cas immediately reached out and snagged a chip, the cheesiest on his side. They both froze as they realized what they had done, eyes catching. After a brief hesitation, Dean smiled and nudged the tray closer, twisting on his seat so that his knees brushed against Cas’s. Cas sighed, and the soft exhale of breath had Dean thinking back to quiet nights spent wrapped around each other.

“Wait. I know who you are!” the man next to Cas exclaimed, leaning over Cas’s shoulder to peer at Dean. He lifted his phone and started tapping. Cas frowned at him for a moment before his eyes went wide.

“Gabriel, no-“

Gabriel tapped the screen one last time and Dean leaned forward in time to hear, _“I stared up into his green eyes, my breath coming short and fast. I was dizzy with the way he stared back, eyes growing darker. He growled my name and I gasped and reached out to grab his shoulders. He pushed in deeper-“_

Cas slapped Gabriel’s phone from his hand, sending the device bouncing off the nacho tray and skittering down the counter toward Sam. He lunged over Dean for it, knocking Dean off his stool, and fought with Gabriel as he, too, scrambled to reclaim his phone.

Sam reached out and picked up the phone, eyebrows rising as the audio reached him.

_“I moaned his name as he thrust into me, hard and fast. It had never felt like this before. No one had ever reached so deeply inside me before, never owned me so completely, body and soul.”_

Sam stopped the audio and thumbed at something on the screen while Cas groaned, “Please, don’t.”

Gabriel started laughing as Sam read out loud, “’Jimmy’s lovers had always left him cold and wanting until he met Michael at a friend’s party. With his green eyes and bow-legged swagger, he came into Jimmy’s life and taught him how to love’- Holy crap, what is this?” Sam asked holding the phone away from his body.

Dean pressed his face into his hands, unsure if he wanted to laugh or die of embarrassment.

Cas insisted, “It’s nothing!” over Gabriel’s “My baby brother writes sex novels about this guy!”

“Shut up, Gabriel!” Cas pushed Gabriel into the bar, and Dean burst out laughing, finally giving in.

“Oh my god, Cas!” he exclaimed, grinning widely at him.

Cas blushed bright red. “It’s just the one,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“This says it’s book two of five,” Sam countered, flipping the phone around to show Dean.

“You wrote a whole series?” Dean asked, reaching out to take the phone from Sam. Gabriel slung his arm across Dean’s shoulder.

“Sure did! They sell well, too. You really gave it good to my baby brother, huh?”

“Someone kill me,” Cas moaned. He dropped down onto an empty stool and buried his face in his arms.

Dean skimmed the book summaries, the smile falling from his face as his chest tightened. The book series wasn’t just erotica, but a whole life story.

In the first book, Jimmy and Michael met and became friends with benefits until Jimmy couldn’t stand it and told Michael he loved him. In the second book, Michael and Jimmy learned how to be involved with each other only for it to end when Michael got a job in a different state. The third book had them pining separately until Jimmy realized what he’d given up and chased after Michael.

Dean swallowed hard.

The fourth book was Jimmy’s bid to win back Michael’s affections after he got there and realized that Michael had become involved with a woman. It worked, and in the fifth book Jimmy and Michael were married, living in a little ranch house on the outskirts of a small Southern town.

Dean looked over at Cas to find him watching, face closed off and blank.

“You came to Indiana?”

Cas grimaced and looked away with a shrug. Sam and Gabriel were silent, Gabriel pulling back in order to look between Cas and Dean. Sam hadn’t known about Cas; it had happened too fast, ended too soon, hurt too much. Gabriel apparently knew just as little if the expression on his face was anything to go by.

“Don’t do that.” Dean reached out and snagged Cas’s arm to pull his attention back to him. “You know I hate that.”

Cas gave a pained laugh. “It’s been five years, Dean. I don’t know anything about you anymore.”

“Oh, come on, man!” Dean tossed the phone onto the counter. “Don’t give me that! Like you forgot or some shit when you’ve been writing _books_ about it like-“ Dean gave up, running a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you say something?”

Cas looked down at his lap. “You looked happy. You had a house, a kid.” Cas shrugged again.

Dean stared at Cas. Sam shifted and cleared his throat. Dean looked up and realized that not only were Sam and Gabriel staring at them, but so were Jess and her friends. Further down the bar Donnie was watching surreptitiously as he wiped down some glasses. The few other patrons in the bar were also side-eyeing them if not outright staring. Dean straightened up.

“Sam, you guys good to call cabs?”

“Yeah, Dean.”

“Fine.” Dean stepped forward and snagged Cas under his arm. He stood easily, letting Dean lead him. “Cas and I have some things to discuss.”

“Call me?”

Dean nodded and started to leave, but Gabriel stepped in front of them with narrowed eyes.

“Whoa there, cowboy. Cassie, you okay going with this guy?”

“Dean isn’t going to hurt me, Gabriel.”

Gabriel sent a pointed look at Dean’s hand around his arm. Dean rolled his eyes and dropped his hand. Cas turned and picked up Gabriel’s phone. He handed it back to Gabriel.

“I’ll talk to you later, Gabriel.”

Gabriel glared at Cas for a moment longer before he stepped out of the way to let Dean and Cas leave the bar.

In the Impala, Dean headed for his apartment while Cas sat and looked out the passenger window.

“So?” Dean finally prompted.

“So what?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Don’t be difficult, Cas. You came to Indiana.”

Cas sighed, and Dean glanced over to see Cas looking over at him now. “I did,” he said softly. “About a year after you left.”

“Why so long?”

“I don’t know. Stubbornness. We had only been together for, what, six months?”

“Seven,” Dean corrected.

Cas huffed a small laugh. “I kept thinking it was… I don’t know. That maybe I had built it up somehow. That seven months was too…” Cas trailed off.

“You should have said something, Cas. Lisa and I weren’t… I mean, we _were_ , in the beginning, but…” Dean shook his head. “She’d just lost her husband, and I- I was still-“ Dean stopped talking.

“You were still?” Cas prompted.

Dean sighed. “Still hung up on this guy.”

Cas didn’t respond to that, and they finished the ride to Dean’s apartment in silence. He parked and led Cas up the stairs, suddenly grateful that Sam had forced him to clean up. Cas stood in the entryway, arms wrapped around himself, looking around but not making a move to enter.

Dean studied him. “What were those books?” he asked quietly.

“Wishes. What ifs.” Cas smiled at him, but it was hollow, brittle.

Dean nodded. He pointed at the couch. “Sit down. I’ll be right back.”

He waited until Cas had settled on the center cushion and then went to his bedroom. At the back of his closet sat a box, one he hadn’t looked at it in five years but had carried with him on every move. He flipped it open and pulled out the small velvet box and stack of papers it held. He opened the ring box and grimaced when he saw that the silver ring had tarnished. He snapped the box closed and took a deep breath.

Dean left his bedroom half afraid to find Cas gone, but he still sat on the couch, fingers twisted nervously in his lap. Dean pushed the coffee table back in order to sit on it in front of Cas. He dropped the box and papers in his lap.

Cas started, staring down at it for a moment. He blinked up at Dean, eyebrows furrowing. Dean gestured at the mess, and Cas obeyed the silent order. He swallowed heavily and ignored the ring box in order to pick up the papers, real estate listings from five years ago for ranch houses in Kansas.

His frown deepened before shock crossed his face. He flipped through the others in the pile, his hands shaking, his expression devastated. He picked up the ring box last and held it, but didn’t open it.

“Why didn’t you…” Cas trailed off. “When did you…” He swallowed back the words and looked up at Dean finally, eyes glassy and wet.

“We had that big fight, remember, right before I got the job offer?”

Cas nodded.

“I realized that I was asking a lot from you. More than I was willing to give in exchange, you know? And I wanted to show you that I wanted to give you just as much as you wanted to give me.

“I realized that I hadn’t been really listening to what you were telling me, and I thought this would show you that I had heard you, Cas. I really had."

Dean stared down at the ring box.

“Then the job offer came through, and I hadn’t said or shown any of that to you, and you were gone before I could.”

Dean continued to stare at the ring box. Cas finally opened it. He pulled the ring from the box and twisted it around in his fingers. He slid it onto his ring finger and Dean’s breath caught in his throat at the sight.

“Is it weird that I still want you to ask?” Cas asked softly. 

Dean looked up at him and swallowed harshly. “Only if it’s weird that I still want to.”

Cas pulled the ring off, tucking it back into its slot in the box. He held it out to Dean. Dean hesitated but accepted the box. He looked up at Cas who smiled at him, a real, warm smile that lit his eyes from the inside. It was the kind of smile Dean had missed for five years, the kind of smile he was helpless before.

“Jimmy’s the one who proposes,” Cas said. Dean blinked in confusion. “In the books,” Cas clarified.

“Oookay…” Dean frowned at Cas.

“I just never thought Michael would propose. I’m supposed to write a sixth book. Maybe he’ll ask to renew their vows.”

“What?”

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean. “I have a two year deadline for the next book, Dean. I expect to know how Michael will propose to Jimmy in a year’s time."

Dean stared at Cas for a long moment. A moment in which he realized he had _not_ missed the look Cas was giving him now, the one that said Dean was missing something important and needed to get with the program. 

Excuse Dean for needing a moment. It wasn’t like Dean hadn’t stumbled across the long-lost love of his life in some random bar after having moved twice in the meantime. It wasn’t like Dean hadn’t learned that said love of his life had also moved around and written books based on their story, two main characters who-

Oh.

Dean grinned. “A year, huh?”

Cas shrugged. “It’s been five years. I figure we need some time to get to know each other again.” Cas studied him. “Not that I’m opposed to it happening sooner.”

Dean’s grin widened. “I can’t believe you wrote sex novels about us.”

Cas smirked, but his cheeks had gone pink with embarrassment.

Dean grabbed the papers from Cas’s lap and stacked them on the coffee table with the ring box before he slid off onto the floor. He put his hands on Cas’s knees, pushing lightly. Cas took the hint and spread his legs to allow Dean between them. Dean scooted forward, sliding his hands up Cas’s thighs. Cas sucked in a sharp breath and reached out to take a hold of Dean’s collar.

“Is there anything Jimmy and Michael did together that we didn’t?” Dean asked.

“Well, they were together much longer,” Cas answered with a tilt of his head. His eyes had darkened, and Dean delighted in the lustful way Cas slid his eyes over Dean’s body. He let go of Dean’s collar and ran his hands down Dean’s chest to his belt. Dean watched Cas’s slender fingers undo his belt and unsnap a few buttons of his fly. Cas tucked his fingers into the gap and brushed along the skin there, tentative, probing. Dean knew what he was looking for and shot Cas a wicked grin.

“You and I have some catching up to do then.”

Cas hummed, his lips curling into a warm smile as he swayed forward. Dean tilted his head up and parted his lips to meet Cas as he pressed his mouth against Dean’s. They kissed, gentle and slow, almost sweet, lips parting slightly, tongues just touching. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist as Cas slid his around Dean’s shoulders. He pressed closer to Cas, deepening the kiss, sliding his tongue into Cas’s mouth. Cas sighed and relaxed into him, letting Dean hold his weight for just a moment before he pulled back to look at Dean. Dean held his gaze, a shiver running through him as he met Cas’s blue eyes. 

How easily he’d forgotten the way Cas looked into him, like he could see who Dean really was, like he could forgive Dean for the same, like he could love him anyway, love him despite- because of- who Dean was.

Cas cupped Dean’s face. “I think,” he said, voice low and tender, “that maybe we should start from the beginning.”

Dean nodded, eyes closing briefly before he lost himself in Cas's mouth.


End file.
